Story Time

on my recent mission trip to san fran (which was life-changing, much needed, and all around great), everyone told their "stories" to their small groups. i've had to tell my story once or twice before, and each time i usually talk about a specific part of my life, usually whatever is my big struggle at that moment in time. well, this time was no different, but i did notice something recently as i've thought back on the trip. although most people usually end up talking about their current problems at some point, a lot tell at least part of their life story leading up to the present. usually this "background information" includes events, be them positive or negative, which have shaped them into their current character and/or led to their current struggle. well, after arriving at this realization, it wasn't long before i jumped to the next one: i've never told my whole life story to anyone before. don't get me wrong, i've gotten very deep and been very open when i tell my different stories on the various trips, but i've never laid that foundation building up to my present troubles which so many others seem to create. after these realizations, i added a question to the mix - should i tell my "life story" and, if so, to whom? as simple as this sounds, it is a question that, as i'm typing, i realize i have asked myself countless times prior to this moment and as of yet i have not found the reason or what i suppose is courage to do so. nothing in my life is secret - as a collective entity, everyone knows what i've done and what i've gone through. however, as individuals, none of them knows everything. it's almost as if each has an incomplete timeline, with some being more complete than others. my immediate family (especially my mom) probably has the most detailed and extensive picture of me, but outside of that small circle i feel like everyone else has an incomplete view of my life. i understand that i shouldn't expect nor want everyone to know everything that i've gone through, but it came as a slight surprise when i realized that almost no one outside of my immediate family, not even my closest friends, has ever heard what major events in my life have led me up to and shaped me into my current state and i'm not even sure that my family knows it all (though my mom might).

so what do i do now? to be honest, i'm still not at all sure. really, the only change is that i now realize the full question i have been asking myself for so many years instead of just looking at a part of it. as with all great deliberations in my life, i will pray and wait for God to reveal the path or uncharted territory into which i must tread, but at least now i have realized the question for which i seek an answer.